Many Small Changes

BSU T-Shirt Dress

2011-10-08T10:38:00.000-06:00

When I married this:

I didn't know that I was marrying this.

I think the fact that my husband never wore a hat that wasn't blue or orange or the fact that the first time I saw my future father-in-law in something other than a BSU shirt was the night of our rehearsal dinner, should have given me some sort of clue.

I admit to being a fan of BSU -- I even owned season tickets to BSU Football the first year after I graduated (several years before I met my husband). It is my alma matter, after all. But I'm not sure I was prepared to bleed blue and orange

We registered for orange stone wear dishes, and while I loved them, I couldn't decorate with blue, for fear that people would think that I intentionally had a Bronco dining room.

Having fanatics as in-laws has some benefits -- I have never had to purchase game day garb for myself or my children, as a Bronco logo seems to be required on all gifts recieved. (All joking aside, my inlaws are fantastic.)

So Ladybug has plenty of game day hand-me downs, but I worried that people would mistake her for a boy. (Though her grandmother did buy her a cheerleader outfit it is too big, so it gives me some time to decide how I feel about that.) I needed to girl up some of the hand-me downs. So I up-cycled a t-shirt into a t-shirt dress for her.

The t-shirt is size 12M, but its really small. I cut off about three inches of the bottom. (I originally was only going to cut off 2 inches, and I should have stuck with that. Oh well.) Then, I took some old jeans and cut some 4 inch strips. I didn't have as much jean material as I wanted. (I had already used the other leg on a different skirt.) So I was only able to get one pleat on the front, and one on the back. I would have liked the skirt to be more ruffly. It turned out okay, but I'm not thrilled with it. Of course, Ladybug looks adorable in it.

Check out Ashley's tutorial for the headband.

Cloth Diapering My Newborn: Starter Stash

2011-10-03T13:23:00.003-06:00

I really wanted to use cloth diapers with my boys, but my husband used his veto power. "That's crazy to do that with twins," he said. He was probably right -- especially with how much they spit up and how little they slept. But when I really wanted to use cloth diapers with our new baby, surprisingly, he agreed. I tried to educate him about pockets and all-in-ones and pre-folds and covers, and get his input. He didn't care. He would use whatever I bought, but he didn't want any part in the decisions.

There are a lot of types of diapers made with a lot of different materials. The decisions can seem a little overwhelming. I think you need to decide what is right for your family. I was confused by the micro-fibers and stay-dry fabrics, they all seemed to have different washing and drying instructions. To make things as easy I wanted to be able to throw everything in the washer and dryer together. I was okay with having to pull a few quick dry covers out, and hang them to dry. I decided that I wanted to use all-cotton diapers. I wanted to balance cost with usablity, and I wanted diapers that would be easy for my daycare provider to use.

I finally decided on what I thought I would need:

6 Grovia Newborn AIO
6 Newborn Workhorse Diapers from Green Mountain Diaper
12 Newborn Prefolds from Green Mountain Diaper
2 Bummis SuperBrite Wraps
1 Bummis SuperWhisper Wrap

This stash put me at the 20-24 diapers that is often recommended to diaper a newborn. I also bought 8 Grovia One-Size AIOs and two Thirsties Duo Wrap, size one -- because they were on sale, and I knew our baby would grow into them.

Our stash was just the right amount when diapers are washed every other day -- which amazingly, I manage to do.

Ladybug and I spent just over 24 hours in the hospital after her birth, and the first diaper change at home she was put in a cloth diaper. I would like to be able to say that she hasn't worn a disposable since, but I can't. However if you only have prefolds in your diaper bag, and are missing clean covers and snappis, and your daughter has a blowout at your in-laws after Sunday dinner, you may be forced to use a disposable.

We also used disposables when we went camping this summer. My stash wasn't big enough for the three days we were gone, and it was really nice to come home to all clean diapers, when the camping laundry pile was huge.

I did expect to use disposables part time, and will probably use them again when we travel. I've been very thrilled with our stash, and don't expect to have to use disposables as much as I originally thought. Especially because daycare has been so supportive. If you are hesitant, give cloth a try.

While I'm not a cloth diapering expert, I plan on writing more about my experiences in later posts.

Are you trying to decide on cloth diapers for your newborn? These are my favorite cloth diaper resources:

Simple Mom
Diaper Junction
Green Mountain Diapers

Blessed Day

2011-09-04T18:00:00.007-06:00

Ladybug was blessed on Sunday, September 4th. It was a such a sweet day. We are so blessed to have had so many family members supporting us and celebrating with us. We enjoyed a lunch in our backyard afterwards, and had the opportunity to visit with family that came from many distances to be with us.

Blessing Dress

2011-09-02T14:12:00.000-06:00

When I found out I was having a girl, I immediately wanted to make her a blessing dress. We blessed my boys at two weeks old, because my parents and sister were in town. The boys weighed about 5 pounds, and nothing fit them, so they were blessed in too big onsies and the only preemie brown pants I could find.

They were cute, and it was special, but I feel a little bit bad that they didn't have special blessing clothes.

My mom had mentioned saving her wedding dress and making blessing dresses out of it, but after 6 grandsons she got rid of it. However, she surprised me with this dress.

This is the dress that I wore when I was blessed or when I came home from the hospital. My mom couldn't really remember. It was a long time ago, I'm not sure I would remember either.

So, now I had this dilemma. Should Ladybug wear the same dress I wore when I was a baby, or should I make her one.

She does look cute in my old dress, doesn't she. But the dress isn't as long and flowy as I imagined a blessing dress would be.

I kept coming back to this post on "Make it and Love it" and thinking, I can do this. Ashely makes some fabulous tutorials!

I started off by making a bodice out of some yellow cotton I had lying around. That was pretty successful, but attaching the sleeve didn't go over well. I decided that I should stick to using the sewing machine for curves or tight spaces, and only use the serger for straight lines. (Heck -- I've had the serger for a couple of years now and just now replaced the thread that comes on it with big white cones.)

I headed to Hobby Lobby. I bought fabric -- some crushed polyester and lining. I can't 'actually' sew, so I was being brave -- I was going to sew something that wasn't just quilting cotton.

This is what I came up with. I'm pretty impressed with myself. The dress isn't perfect -- it's too big, the sleeves aren't as ruffled as I would have liked, and my blind hem isn't so blind. But I made it. I'm still debating putting a single satin flower on the waist. What do you think?

Ladybug, who never spits up, spit up when I tried the bodice on her. I'm pretending that doesn't mean that she hates the dress. I'm also not taking any chances and trying it on her again before Sunday.

Sad September

2011-08-31T13:46:00.000-06:00

Normally, I love the fall. I love the colors. I love the crisp cool air. I love making hot soups for dinner. I love wearing sweaters and my knee high boots. I love school supplies.

This year, I'm dreading fall. I want an endless summer. I dream of infinite days watching my boys play in the wading pool in the back yard, running naked through the grass with golden brown skin. Unnumbered days, rocking my baby girl on the porch swing. Countless trips to the library on Friday mornings. But alas, it all must come to an end.

For come the first of Fall, my maternity leave is over. I must return to the "real world". The world in which I don't get to be just a mom. I won't get to bake bread to go with dinner, or prepare meals that take longer than 30 minutes. No more late mornings cuddling with my kids.

I have about 2 1/2 weeks before I must return to work. I'm trying to enjoy every minute of it, but I find myself spending too much time dreading what is to come. So this is it. I'm crying about it here for a minute. I'm complaining, and I'm moping. I'd really like to spend the next two weeks cuddling with my kids and rocking my baby while she sleeps -- breathing in every moment. Savoring every sweet moment, enjoying the now.

Welcome, Ladybug

2011-08-26T09:02:00.004-06:00

I'm a little embarrassed that it's been since April since I lasted posted. I'm even more embarrassed that I still haven't finished the baby quilt I had been working on. However, I did finish something -- this little ladybug joined our family on July 1, 2011.

Turns out, she has something in common with her mama, she likes to procrastinate. She took her sweet time getting here. With gestational diabetes and chronic hypertension, I was pushing it, but the doctor gave me until 41 weeks and 1 day before we evicted her. She was worth the wait. She is a joy, and we are so glad to have her in our family.

Finish It Friday

2011-04-15T08:48:00.000-06:00

I've done absolutely nothing with my baby quilt. This is not going well...

On the plus side, I finished and filed my tax return this week. At least I did that on time.

Glucose Screening Forfeit

2011-04-14T08:46:00.000-06:00

I think that when you take your 1 hour glucose screening test on Thursday and the nurse tells you, "I'll have the results on Monday -- I'll only call you if there is a problem. No news is good news." if she calls you on Tuesday at 4:45 pm, they should forfeit, and you should get an automatic pass.

Chocolate Mousse Crunch Cake

2011-04-09T08:00:00.012-06:00

We had my in-laws over for my husband's birthday dinner last Sunday. I made this cake from "Our Best Bites" . If you haven't checked out their blog, you really ought too. I've never made any of their recipes that I didn't love.

This cake is so moist and rich and delicious. The mousse is so good and so easy to make. Next time, I think I'll use mint extract instead of vanilla, and use Keebler's Grasshopper Cookies instead of Heath Bar, for a minty variation. Or use raspberries. Hmmm...
Speaking of chocolate and raspberries, I've been eating the left over ganache over ice cream and frozen raspberries. I really need to cut that out, but it tastes so good.

Finish It Friday: Baby Quilt Update

2011-04-08T11:28:00.000-06:00

I'm making some progress. Not as much as I'd like, but it is still progress.

I bought batting and yellow thread. And I've washed and ironed the fabric, though it looks like it needs to be ironed again.

Something I finished this week? It only took nine weeks and 3 trips to the the ultrasound clinic, but my little girl finally cooperated enough to be able to finish our 20 week anatomy scan!

More than Thumbs

2011-04-04T20:00:00.000-06:00

We met with the hand specialist today, and I learned a few things. And not all of them had to do with tendons and pulleys.

First, I realized that I have an awesome husband, and more importantly, my boys have an awesome father. I mean, I knew I had an awesome husband, but I've been so impressed with him the last couple of weeks. He really is wonderful, but generally, he is a man. I have to schedule appointments, and fill out forms, and pay bills, and pay attention to details. But with Monkey's hand, he as taken the lead. We hadn't been in the door for two seconds last week, after our trip to the pediatrician, and he was calling the hand specialist and setting up Monkey's appointment. When we arrived at the hospital, I took Monkey to the drinking fountain, and expected to find B sitting in the reception area. Instead, I found him checking us in -- he had handed over his ID and insurance cards, and was about to fill out paperwork. When it came time to take Monkey to get X-Rays, B volunteered to assist, even before the nurse said that I couldn't help because I was pregnant. He even paid the co-pay before we left. He really made me smile today. It was a little hard for me, because I am a bit of a control freak, but I know that I can count on him.

Second, I learned that being a little neurotic can pay off. The doctor asked if Monkey hurt his thumb or if we just noticed it. "We just noticed it last week," I told him. And the doctor kinda nodded. "Do you have any idea how long it's been that way?" He asked. I told him, "I can't be sure, but I think it's been that way since at least November." He looked at me a little quizzically -- probably because I had just gotten done telling him that I had only noticed it last week. "Well, I have this picture..." I told him. He said that was unusual evidence, but actually very helpful in discussing treatment options. He said that sometimes trigger thumb can resolve itself, given a couple of months, but if it had been that way for several months, it wouldn't resolve on its own. Surgery really was the best option, and it's not necessary to "wait and see."

Since we are fairly confident of my photographic evidence, and now that Monkey notices that there is something wrong with his thumb, we're going with the surgery. It's scheduled for two weeks from now.

Finish It Friday

2011-04-01T08:00:00.002-06:00

I have a flaw, of course it is not my only flaw. But it is one that bothers me a lot.

I like to learn new things. Which is good. So I start projects, lots of projects. Once I figure out what I need to know (or get bored or distracted), I don't finish my project. Which is bad.

Here is a list of some of my unfinished projects:

Halloween quilt, lap sized. Just needs to be bound
Flower quilt, twin size. One more row, tied & bound. I 'gave' this to my sister for Christmas about 8 years ago.
Sampler Quilt -- only have like 5 squares done
Rag quilt -- the edges need to be cut so that it is 'raggy'
Rag quilt that still needs to be assembled
Crocheted throw that I have been working on since high school
A stack of homemade paper, which are supposed to be cards. Along with these are rolls of window screen and hardware cloth to make screens, and several pieces of felt.
A roll of cording to make rag baskets.

So as part of my efforts to simplify and decluttter, I've made a deal with myself (and my husband). On the first Friday of each month I'll pick one of my unfinished projects and I'll have until the first Friday of the following month to finish it. If I don't finish it, I have to get rid of it. This will hopefully force me to finish some of my projects or reduce the number of "my" boxes that are in the garage.

In honor of one my current, most important "unfinished" project (the baby girl cooking in my belly), I'll be finishing a quilt. I picked the fabric out to make a quilt for a dear friend's baby girl, who is now 8. I feel a little guilty not picking out the fabric especially for my little girl. But I think subconsciously I didn't finish it because I knew I wanted it for my little girl one day.
I have everything I need -- except the batting and coordinating thread. I'm giving myself until the end of April to get this finished.

This will be a HUGE improvement for me -- the quilts I started for my boys before they were born? I finished them for their 2nd birthday.

(Don't be surprised if "Finish It Friday" becomes a feature of itself, because I'm not that great at finishing things I start -- including blog posts.)

Do you have unfinished projects? Would you like to join me for Finish it Friday?

Thumbs Up!

2011-03-31T21:27:00.000-06:00

Do you ever have those moments when you feel you are the worst mother in the world? You know, like when you are trying to help your three year old squish the play-doh out of the play-doh extractor thinging. As you are using all your strength to push on the lever, you are thinking, "How do they expect kids to use this stupid toy?" Then your son screams and you realize that you've been using all your strength to squish his finger? Yeah, that's the kind of mom I am.

Monday morning I was sitting in my easy chair, with both my boys on my lap. We were watching "Super Why", and Alpha Pig was giving a "Big Thumbs Up". I asked my boys if they could give a big thumbs up, and Moose immediately gave me two big thumbs up.

I asked Monkey if he could give me a thumbs up, and he excitedly pointed his index finger. I helped him form his right hand into a thumbs up, and then he tried his left hand. We formed a thumbs up with his left hand, and I noticed that his thumb was bent, not straight and extended. Then I noticed that he couldn't straighten it. I couldn't straighten it, it was locked into posistion.

"There is something wrong with Monkey's thumb." I say to my husband. "It won't straighten. Did he hurt it?" I asked, as my mind raced through all the bumps and bruises and falls and scrapes and squashing. I couldn't think of anything!

"How long has it been this way?" I wonder out loud.

"How could I not notice that his thumb won't straighten?" I say to myself, accusingly.

A quick Google search, and I had diagnosed my son with Pediatric Trigger Thumb.

I began to feel more guilty as I read more webpages. "Mean onset is 24 months." I read. "Two years old?" I thought, "Has it been this way for a YEAR?"

My husband tried to reassure me, but my mom guilt just continued to grow. "It has four stages!" I told him. "When it progress to the "locked" or final stage, it requires SURGERY!" I told him.

And he tried to reassure me, "It doesn't seem to bother him -- why would you notice it?"

We made an appointment with the pediatrician for later that afternoon. Knowing that the first thing she would ask was, "How long has it been this way?" (and trying to ease my guilt) I set out to search through 50 gigabytes of pictures, looking for evidence of a straight thumb. I started to regret all those times I said, "Put your hands down, I can't see your face!"

Unfortunately, I never found solid photographic evidence of a straight thumb, but I did find this picture from Easter 2010 (a YEAR ago!). Notice his left thumb, how it's bent? And how his right thumb is all extended?

And this one, from November -- see how he is holding the cup with the tip of his left thumb? Pretty sure I won't be winning the mother of the year award any time soon.

We visited with the pediatrician about Monkey's thumb. (Moose was sure we were there because he had a scratch on his elbow -- "This is my elbow, NOT my thumb!" he told the doctor.) Right away she confirmed my suspicions, she said, "I think this is trigger thumb, I'm going to refer you to a hand specialist -- while he could live his whole life with a bent thumb, it will probably need surgery to correct it." We talked about different specialists, and she referred us to one that she had worked with before.

"I see about one of these a year," she said. "and the parents always say, 'I have no idea how long it's been this way.'" At least she eased some of my mom guilt.

Since then, I'm paying more attention to Monkey's little hands. He still uses his left hand, but he often keeps his thumb tucked, protected in a closed fist. Last night, for the first time ever, he told me that it hurt.

While I don't feel guilty anymore that I hadn't noticed it before, my heart is still breaking at the thought that he has been in pain all this time. And that he is in pain now, and that he probably has to go through surgery.

We have an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon on Monday, and I'm anxious to see what he says.

Happy Birthday!

2011-03-28T08:00:00.000-06:00

My dear husband's birthday is coming up. He puts up with a lot. He has been a stay at home dad all winter, and is so excited for Spring. He is returning to work, and couldn't be more thrilled. He has been so wonderful with the boys, even though I know I complain that they watch to much TV and don't spend enough time outside. (It has been a very wet and cold winter.) He has done art projects, cooks dinner, and does most of the laundry and all of the dishes. He is amazing. And as hard as it was for me, to have him stay at home and not me, I know it was just as hard on him, to be living my dream.

In honor of his birthday, and all upcoming birthdays in our family, I created this "Happy Birthday Wreath".

I first saw it on my favorite food blog, Our Best Bites. There are several other blogs featuring this or similar wreaths, and I thought it ws too cute to not duplicate. One of the blogs (I forget which - sorry was kind enough to point out that, at least in the Boise area, the cheapest place to buy ballons is Honks. And she was right. I found that I could get 25 balloons for $2 at most local stores, but Honks carries a wide variety of colors, at only $1 for a bag of 25. And apparently, if you go on Tuesdays, they are only 88 cents.

Happy Birthday, B! I love you!

Maternity Skirt

2011-03-25T12:00:00.001-06:00

Finding myself 5 1/2 months pregnant, with absolutely nothing to wear to church on Sundays, causes me to throw clothing and scream at my husband. It's not his fault I don't like the one maternity dress that I own, or that I don't shave my legs so I have to wear black tights, or that my belly is getting to large for said black tights.

It's also not this fault that not eating makes me extremely crabby. And I shouldn't get mad at him when (in the middle of my tantrum in the master closet) he suggests that perhaps I would feel better if I ate something.

So, in an attempt to save my husband from injury from flying clothing, I've been attempting to make myself a maternity skirt (and keep granola bars in the bedroom.)

I started with a wonderful tutorial from homemade by jill. However, when Jill suggested that I use wide leg pants, I promptly ignored her. I started with a pair of capris that never quite fit right, and had long been destined for the DI pile, but still sat on the shelf in my closet. The legs tapered at the kneees.

Please don't make my mistake. You end up with a skirt that you will be incapable of walking in. I tried to remedy this by sewing some extra fabric in the "slit", but couldn't manage to do it without causing a big pucker that made me look like my tail bone pointed the wrong direction.

So, I decided to start with a thrift store skirt. I found this nice jean skirt at the DI for $3.
I removed the waist band and zipper, and sewed up the front, where the zipper had been. Some of tutorials I read left the zipper intact, and just sewed up the front, but I didn't want the bulk of the zipper. I cut a "scoop" out of the front for my belly. I also shortened the slit -- it's really hard to sit modestly with two three-year-olds climbing all over you.
Using Jill's tutorial, I created the stretch band out of a stained stretchy t-shirt. (Why is it that ALL of my shirts have grease stains on them?)

I should have followed the instructions here, and cut a matching scoop out of the waist band, but I didn't. I ended up with a little bit of an awkward waist. It is much higher in the back, and the front seam is really awkward around the scoop. But I think the skirt turned out really cute. It is very comfy, and I even shaved my legs so I could wear it to church last Sunday.

Shamrock Shirts

2011-03-14T15:43:00.003-06:00

I made these shirts for my boys a couple of years ago, and originally posted this on my old blog, but thought I would share it again here. These shirts have long been tucked away in one of the many boxes of too little clothes I'm storing in the garage.

The boys are going to daycare on Tuesday -- which also happens to be St. Patrick's Day. I really wanted them to have something festive to wear, seeing how they missed every single Boise State Friday during the football season. So I made them each a Shamrock T-Shirt.I had hoped to find white t-shirts for them at a thrift store. After not having any luck, I figured that not many little boys' white t-shirts end up at thrift stores. At least not if they look anything like my boys' white shirts by time they outgrow them (which is why I think we don't have any that fit right now.) I ended up going to Walmart, and buying a 5 pack of 18 month onsies. We need more onsies any ways -- our biggest right now are 9 monthers.

What you need:

White T-Shirt
Green Fabric Paint
Old Sponge
Heavy Duty Scissors
Card stock
Big Safety Pin

First, using your heavy duty scissors, cut your sponge into the shape of a heart. Optional: Put the safety pin on the back of your heart, this provides a handle for your stamp, and helps keep fingers clean.Practice using your heart stamp to make a shamrock on a piece of paper. I used a piece of the remnant sponge for the stem. This is a good time to check that the shamrock created with your heart will fit on your t-shirt. This was a recommendation from my very smart husband -- my first shamrock was too big for my little boys' shirts.

Next, place the card stock into the shirt. This will prevent the paint from soaking through to the backside of the shirt.
Finally, stamp a shamrock onto the shirt and let dry.

Jump Creek Canyon

2010-10-11T17:00:00.001-06:00

In late August, our family took a nice Sunday drive out to Jump Creek Canyon. We wanted to take our boys on a little hike, and this quarter mile in water fall seemed to be the perfect one. The trail wanders through the canyon, often under a canopy of trees. It crosses the creek in a place or two. It was narrow and steep at times, but the boys managed through most of it with out being carried. At the end was a beautiful little pond with a water fall.

There were plenty of Northern Bluet damselflies about.
The trail head signs warned of poison ivy, and being an Alaskan girl, I have never encountered it in the wild. I'm glad to report that we managed to avoid all things green that looked from far away like they might have had three leaves.

Change: Give Up Soda

2010-10-10T18:00:00.001-06:00

I originally started this blog to document changes I was making in my life to be healthier. I'm still making changes, lots of them, every day. And not just to be physically healthier, but I'm working on changes to be spiritually and emotionally healthier too. Most days, I have to start over.

But today I want to annouce that I have been soda free for one whole month!

My main motivation behind giving up soda is part of a larger change to cut back on all refined sugar, but this is all about "many small changes" and not one big one.

Though this is a change I've been trying to make for years, the following really helped this time:

Living With PCOS and Treating it Naturally

The Word of Wisdom

Can mormons drink caffeinated sodas?

Canning Peaches

2010-09-27T21:00:00.002-06:00

Here in Southwest Idaho, peaches just peaked. Or so I've been lead to believe. I don't really know much about these things, except that when fall starts knocking on summer's back door, people around here start canning peaches. I grew up in Alaska, we canned smoked salmon and blueberry jam and spruce tip jelly -- I know about the timing of those kind of things, but not peaches.

Putting up peaches is something that I've been wanting to do for years. So this year, when the evenings started to turn chilly (our days are still hovering in the high 80's), I got the feeling it was time. The local peaches started appearing at the grocery store, and I wondered where to get my pile of peaches for cheap. My facebook and voice-mail pleas for help or an invite to a canning party went unanswered. I decided to take the task on myself -- or with the help of my hubby.

A chance encounter led me to believe that peaches could be had at a particular orchard for $8 a box, rather than $10 at another orchard. So at least the mister had a little more direction than, "Go out to where the fruit is and find me some peaches!" When he showed up with a $10 box of peaches, I wondered if he found the right farm. I was just grateful that he brought home peaches and that he took our boys out of the house all by himself. He's making big progress on his stay at home dad days.

A bunch of reading here and here, a borrowed canning pot, and I was set!

As I was dipping my peaches in boiling water then peeling them and slicing them, and my simple syrup solution was already boiling, and I was about to have a panic attack in my own kitchen over my inadequacy as a canner, I stopped.
"This is supposed to be fun," I told myself.
"You are learning something new," I told myself.
"You don't have to be perfect the first time," I told myself.
"This is why women have friends," I told myself.

Then, I invited my husband to help me peel peaches.

My results? I have 7 quarts of peach slices, 7 quarts of peach halves, and 4 8 oz. jars of peach jam.

I'm pretty sure the jam is really a sticky mess, but I'm waiting until my store bought strawberry jam is gone to pull the new jam out of the pantry. I'm also imagining how good the jam would taste on warm home-made bread. So, if the home-made bread happens before the strawberry jam is gone, I'm sure the peach jam will make it's debut.

Looking at pictures of other people's peaches, I'm pretty sure I didn't fill my jars full enough, but lesson learned. Next year, I'll really pack them in there. Now that i think of it, it is probably why my yield was above the average yield per pound of peaches.

Up next? I think I'll put up some applesauce and apple butter.

Slippers on Sunday

2010-09-23T23:39:00.003-06:00

I fought with him over his pants. I fought with him over his shirt. "We don't wear dirty t-shirts to church," I told him as I wrestled him into an unpressed, it was white once, long-sleeved button down shirt. When I asked him to bring me his shoes and he showed up with slippers, I quietly put them on his feet. I couldn't fight with him anymore.

On a trip to the bathroom during Sacrament Meeting, a kind sister asked how I was doing. "My boys are wearing slippers today," I replied.

"At least they're wearing clothes," she replied, "You get points for that."

Pre-nursery, I often wondered why I bothered attending church, as I spent about three hours every Sunday in the foyer. I once lamented this fact to my aunt, and wondered "Why do I even bother?"

"Chris blessed and Kyle passed the sacrament this Sunday, and that makes all the time I spent with crying or restless kids in the hallway worth it."

We don't always make it to church on Sunday at our best. Tears are sometimes involved, and clothes are often wrinkley. Faces might have jam smears and feet might be in slippers. But we go. We try to teach reverence and respect. We love and learn.

Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, and to teach them to ... observe the commandments of God... Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

Bedtime Bribery

2010-09-22T19:13:00.000-06:00

My dear sweet sister in law, who is the mother of my 11 month old nephew, asked me recently, "What does bed time look like at your house?"

"Well," I said, "at around 7:30 we get pajamas on, we brush our teeth, we read two stories and say a bed time prayer. I kiss Monkey good night, but Moose always refuses. Then I put them in bed and tuck them in. Then I say goodnight and turn the light off, and crack the door. Then Moose comes out and I nicely tell him to go back to bed. Then I get up, and put him back in bed. And then Monkey comes into the living room, and I tell him to go back to bed, and he dances in the hallway, and then I put him in bed. And then I hear the door close. Ten minutes later Monkey is crying. I go into their room, and the light is on, and the sheets are off of the beds and Monkey is stuck in the window or Moose wont let him in the closet or took his toy, or the other way around, depending on the night. So I put them back in bed, and say good night. The processes repeats itself, and I'm screaming 'GO BACK TO BED!' And then, around 10 pm, they finally wear themselves out and they fall asleep." At this point I think I was about in tears, and my poor sister in law didn't know what to say.

I believe in bedtime routines. I believe that having consistent and predictable activities in the evening help calm and relax children -- just not my children. We've had the same routine since they were 9 months old. We added brushing teeth in there at about a year, but otherwise it has been, PJs, Teeth, Books, Pray and Bed. But bed time always seems to be a struggle for me. I recently added a nightly bath with lavender soap last month, to no avail.

And here's the thing that really drives me crazy. I struggle with bed time most nights all by myself. My husband works an evening shift, and typically arrives home just as the boys are falling asleep. The other night, as I was finishing up story time, my husband shows up -- he got off early. He prayed with us, he tucked the boys in. He put Moose back in bed ONCE, and the boys were off to sleep before 8:30.

So, I've decided to bribe them. My mother-in-law calls it rewarding, but I still think it is bribery. I made a bed time game. Each boy gets three stars, after prayer they get to put their stars on the bed time board. If they get out of bed, I get to take a star. If they have stars left in the morning, they get a sticker. If I have all the stars in the morning, I get a sticker. If they get 10 stickers, they get to go out with just mommy or daddy for ice cream. I think if I get 10 stickers, I should get a day at the spa.

Bed Time Board
Supplies: Wooden Craft Stars and moons, magnets, 12x12 frame, 12x12 metal sheet, 12x12 piece of scrapbook paper, paint, E600

Paint stars and moons with yellow paint. Add initials or other accents.

Once paint is dry, attach magnets to the stars using E600 or a hot glue gun.

Put scrapbook paper and metal sheet into frame.

Glue moons to frame.

Hang frame on wall and wait for your two year old to say, "Why dat on wall? Take it down. I no like it!" and then start crying when you don't remove it.

Warning: Don't hang it up until the glue is dry or gravity will cause your moons to slide down and get E600 all over everything.

I Heart Faces ~ Week 37 ~ Vroom, Vroom

2010-09-14T12:04:00.004-06:00

Monkey loved playing with the new truck Nana & Papa bought for him - even in the rain. Like always, I had to take several pictures before I got one with him looking up. I swear I have hundreds of photos of the top of his head. You can see from his blank stare that he's not entirely thrilled to have his attention drawn away from the truck that rumbled.

Arrgh!

2010-09-14T11:01:00.003-06:00

September 19th is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Since learning about talk like a pirate day years and years ago, I've always wanted to have a Talk Like A Pirate Day Party, but if you know me, you know I'm not exactly a party hosting kinda person. (I like to plan parties, but please, don't come to my house, it won't be clean enough or good enough or fun enough for you, but that wouldn't matter because you wouldn't want to come anyways.)

So, instead, I'm sharing these links with you.
Visit AlphaMom for some pirate crafts and really cute skirts.
Take a look at Swiss Family Robinson Birthday Party for some awesome invite and game ideas.
I always thought these cupcakes at Our Best Bites would be great for a pirate party. Monkeys and Pirates go together, right?

Have fun me harties or I'll make ye walk the plank!

Being a Working Mom

2010-09-01T19:30:00.002-06:00

A blog I read, Chocolate on My Cranium, is celebrating the 10th anniversary of "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". As part of that celebration, she has asked us to write about our families, using the proclamation as a guide.

The proclamation states: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

This is the part that means the most to me and is the part I struggle with every day. You see, I've been blessed with a wonderful career. I have got a great job, that pays handsomely, and has pretty good benefits. I've also been blessed with a wonderful husband -- it just happens that he has little education and less earning power than myself.

The deepest desire of my heart is to stay at home and raise my children. I want my primary responsibility to be nurturing my children. And I know it pains my husband to not be able to provide for our family and make all my dreams come true.

I struggle a lot because I know the Lord wants me to stay at home and raise my children. I often don't feel like I have enough faith because I can't just up and quit my job and depend on the Lord to take care of us. But I also know that the Lord expects us to be self reliant.

President Gordon B. Hinkley cautioned women, at several times, using several different words to be very careful about working outside the home. He said, "I hope that if you are employed full-time you are doing it to ensure that basic needs are met and not simply to indulge a taste for an elaborate home, fancy cars, and other luxuries."

My husband and I have spent a lot of time and energy this year refocusing our priorities. We've set financial goals. We've paid off all of our non-mortgage debt and started saving an emergency fund. We've analyzed our budget and decided to try and live more simply. We are trying to curtail our spending, and trying to learn to live on less money. We can't currently survive on my husbands salary, but we are trying to learn how. We are setting aside the extra money we have now while I am working so that we can ensure our financial security should the opportunity for me to stay home arise.

And in the mean time, I try to be the best mother that I can be. That means that I've given up some of my ideals about the perfect house and the perfect meal plan. I'm learning to accept that dirty dishes in the sink are okay, and breakfast cereal for dinner every now and again is fine. It means that I have more time for hugs and kisses after work and time for one more story before tucking my boys into bed.

I have to work really hard to not be to tired and too stressed to be loving at the end of the day. Everyone is tired and hungry when we get home, and we are all at our worst. It's been even harder since my husband has been working afternoon and evenings. It's just me and the boys and there is a lot of yelling and crying on every one's part.

I'm making an effort to yell less and love more. When Moose is yelling at Monkey, and Monkey is crying and hitting Moose, I try to remember that yelling isn't going to help anything. Our children deserve to be taught with love and respect.

These are some of the things I do to nurture my children when I am at home with them:

Snuggle a little bit every morning, no matter how late we slept.

Pray everyday for guidance in the things I need to teach them.

Pray with them every night.

Pray for patience and a tempered spirit.

I pray a lot. Motherhood has helped me to realize how much help I need. I can't do it on my own. I need my husbands strength and support, and more importantly, I'm learning to rely on my Heavenly Father. Through motherhood, I'm becoming closer to my Heavenly Father. I know that will make me a better wife and mother and person.

Are you a working mom? What are some of the things you struggle with? How do you deal with your struggles?

I Heart Faces ~ Week 35 ~ Photojournalism

2010-08-31T11:25:00.004-06:00

This is my first entry into I Heart Faces. I'm really excited, because I've always wanted to enter, but never did. Moose is here flying a kite early this spring. Monkey didn't end up having a turn, as the kite was pretty much toast after this.

To see more entries, head over to I Heart Faces.

Fabric Scripture Cover

2010-08-28T20:47:00.009-06:00

Shortly after we got married, my husband and I were reading scriptures together. I was using the brown leather, triple combination and bible set that I had gotten as a baptismal gift from my aunts and grandparents. And while I cherish the set, I eyed my husbands quad, and lamented that I had always wanted a quad with my name engraved on the cover.

For my birthday, my dear husband surprised me with an indexed, green leather quad, with my new married name on the cover. I love it and am so grateful for his thoughtfullness, however, I really wanted the quad that closes with the snap. Of course, only being married 4 months, I didn't tell him that.

I wanted to be able to put my scriptures into my church bag and not worry about the pages getting bent when I shoved the manual in the bag too. And I dislike very much the zipper case I got in highschool to carry and protect my scriptures. But, my beatuiful new quad ended up residing in my ugly zipper case.

I came across a tutorial for fabric book covers at Sew, Mama, Sew!. I immediately thought of my scriptures and thought of modifying the pattern to include a 'wrap around' and snap. I decided to try to just make a cover first and see how it went. I put the boys to bed, and got started. It went really well, but all of my plans for the wrap around wouldn't have worked like I thought it would, so I'm glad I went the way I did.

I was able to make the cover with a single fat quarter. I originally planned on using a matching fabric for the inside part, but decided not too. I still plan on making one with a snap, and will let you know how I did it.

Celebrate Family

2010-08-25T11:49:00.008-06:00

September 23rd marks the 15th Anniversary of "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". In honor of the occasion, September is a month of celebration over at Chocolate on my Cranium and We Talk of Christ.

Look for upcoming posts that celebrate my family.

Photo Credit: Jamie Jacobsen Photography From a wonderful session almost 2 years ago -- We really need updated family photos.

Mushrooms

2010-08-20T18:37:00.007-06:00

My family and I just returned from a wonderful trip to a remote location in Southeast Alaska. We enjoyed a great time in nature with my family. It was great to spend time with my parents and siblings, and for the boys to spend time with their cousins. The boys enjoyed four-wheeler rides, so I had to encourage them on walks by seeing what we could find.

We came across this beautiful specimen of Amanita muscaria var. formosa. They are highly toxic, and this was an unusual variety -- I had spotted several of the red colored mushrooms on the trail, but this was the only yellow one I saw.
We also found some Green Elf Cups. I had never seen them before, apparently, the fruit bodies are infrequently seen. The turquoise color of the fruit and the stained wood was fantastic.
I found a wonderful resource for identifying fungus at Rogers Mushrooms.

Peony Patience

2010-06-08T21:47:00.009-06:00

Five years ago, the summer before my husband and I got married, I purchased a peony. I've always loved the large double blooms and their sweet scent. I was so excited. I planted it in a spot where the large flowers would peak their heads up, and be visible in my living room window. I knew peonies were a little fickle, and I didn't expect it to bloom that year, or maybe even the next, but I hoped.

The following spring, I was giddy with excitement when I saw the first tenders push up from the ground. I watched them grow. More leaves pushed up, and then a flower bud. It was little, like a pea, but it grew bigger. I couldn't stand the wait, and thought for sure my little bud would turn into a beautiful flower. Then, my marble sized bud turned black and died. I think, at the time, a little part of me died with it. It provided great greenery through out the summer, but no flowers.

The next spring, again, I was very excited again, as the tenders pushed their way into the warm spring sunshine. Even more green leaves appeared. My peony's root ball was growing for sure. This year, several small pea size flower buds appeared. I walked through the neighborhood, and saw other peoples' peonies blooming. I admit, I was jealous. This time I was certain, one of my buds would turn into a flower. And just as sure as I was that one would bloom, they all turned black and died.

I began to compare my peony to all those that I would see. Why won't my peony bloom? I would ask. Why can't my peony be pretty like those ones? I began to doubt my peony. Maybe I planted it to deep? Maybe it isn't getting enough sunshine. Maybe I wasn't nurturing it appropriately. That fall, I moved my peony to another part of the garden. I added bone meal to the whole, and hoped it would like it's new home.

Last spring, as the tenders emerged I started to get excited again. I worried though that it wouldn't like its move, and it wouldn't bloom. Buds began to appear. And the buds grew. First to the size of marble, and then a golf ball. And then it happened. A beautiful, delicate flower appeared. And then too quickly, the blooms faded. I enjoyed it's beauty while it lasted.

As I sit and look at my flower filled bush, I about think about patience. I think about how things never happen in my time. I can't compare myself or my life to others. The Lord has a plan for me, and if I'm patient, if I wait with faith, I know the Lord will bless me in ways I can't imagine. I must put myself in the right spot and nourish my spirit appropriately and I will be blessed. I'm thankful everyday for the blessing I receive. I have to remember the Lord knows my desires. If they are righteous and part of the Lords plans, if I am patient, things will happen in His time.

Momma Ducks

2010-05-24T09:39:00.004-06:00

We've been blessed with an abundance of momma ducks around our house this year. It is especially exciting because the boys just finished a unit at daycare where they talked all about baby animals and their mommies and daddies.

Monkey and Moose spent several minutes watching a mating pair of mallards drink from our fountain in the front yard and scrounge for grubs in the garden soil. "Mommy Daddy Ducks" they exclaimed with excitement.

A few weeks ago my dear husband happened upon a hen nesting in our compost bin. I tried to take a picture, but scared her. I was able to take a peek inside her nest and saw about 12 beautiful green eggs. Having my compost bin as a nesting site has made spring clean up a little bit of a hassle, but it has been fun to sneak a peak at the momma every couple of days. We haven't introduced her to the boys, I figure nesting is stressful enough without double trouble. I've been really excited to see her ducklings swimming in the irrigation ditch. I've learned that the eggs are incubated for about 30 days, so I think we might only have a week or so until they hatch.Fortunately for us, a neighbor boy knocked on our door last week to let us know that a hen mallard and her 14 ducklings were in our front yard. He said that they had hatched the previous morning in another neighbor's yard. Momma and most of the ducklings were sunning themselves near our weigela. Six of the little ducklings were stuck in our unfinished fountain. The water was four or five inches down from the top of the catch basin, and the baby ducks couldn't get out. Sweet hubby brought the hose around, and quietly filled the basin, allowing the duckies to escape. Momma and her brood stayed in the yard for several hours.Moose and Monkey enjoyed watching them. They really wanted to touch and hold the ducklings. We told the boys, "Stay back, you don't want to scare the ducks." They both growled. We had to drag them kicking and screaming back into the house. "More ducks! More ducks!" they insisted.

Good Men

2010-05-23T14:14:00.001-06:00

One recent Saturday afternoon, my sweet Moose asked about his great-grandmother. He and Monkey had spent the previous night at a sleep over with his grandparents, and I'm sure that prompted the question. "Gramma-Great" he said. I asked him if he wanted to know about his great grandparents, and was surprised when he said, "Yes."

I started with my husband's side of the family, I told him that his "Grandma-Great" lives on the other side of town with "Grandpa-Great" and that they are his grandma's mommy and daddy. I told him about great-grandpa who lives in Utah, and his great-grandma who lives with Heavenly Father, and that those are his grandpa's mommy and daddy. "More" he told me. I was surprised at his attention and interest as I talked about his great-grandparents.

I continued on with my side of the family and told him about "GG", who lives in a nursing home in Washington. I told him about when we visited her, and how excited she was to meet him, even though she didn't know who I was. I told him about his great-grandpa who lived with Heavenly Father, that I never got to meet, because he died when my daddy, his papa, was just a boy. I told him about his nana's mommy and daddy -- I talked about granny, who lives in Alaska. We talked about my papa, his great-grandpa, who lives with Heavenly Father now. I talked about how lucky I was to have such a good grandma and grandpa, and how wonderful they are and how much they loved me. I told him how lucky he is to have such wonderful grandparents too, and how much they love him.

I shared with him my belief that his great-grandparents who aren't with us now, were with him and Monkey just before they came to live with us. Finally, with a little sadness, I told him, "My papa was a good man." He looked at me, and patted his chest and said, "Moose good man."

In three sweet words, he summed up all my hopes and dreams. As the mother of boys, I hope and pray that I can raise good men.

Learning to write again

2010-02-23T15:22:00.004-07:00

As I've tried and tried to blog, I've become very frustrated. I have several posts that are in process, yet to be published. Why aren't they published? Because I can no longer write.
I used to write. I think that I used to write well. I used to dream of being an author. Writing children's books or short stories. I used to believe that I had a novel some where in me.

I would write for hours. I had notebooks filled with poetry -- mostly adolescent angst. I loved to journal, though I was never very consistent with it.

Now, I have a hard time putting words into sentences. I can't seem to put my thoughts down on paper. I have a couple of ideas why I can no longer write.

First, I'm out of practice. I've spent the last 10 years writing code. It's simple. It's logical. It flows. It's like a writing a recipe. This part has to come before that part. There is no transition necessary. It's all nicely put together with curly braces and semi-colons. There is no question about whether or not I need a comma. If it's not syntactically correct, it doesn't compile. It's easy, and it's not all that creative.

Second, I stopped reading. And I love to read. I love to read almost anything. I would read until the wee hours of the morning. I would read and read and I wouldn't stop, not until the last page was turned. I didn't get any sleep. So, I made myself stop reading. A couple of years ago, I started reading again. (Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon...) And while Goodnight Moon is an excellent book -- one of my personal favorites -- it isn't exactly stimulating for me.

I want to be a better writer. I want to encourage my boys to love reading. So, I've decided to read more. I'm going to dedicate some time to myself during the day to read and write. I'll use my blog as a test ground for my writing.

Bear with me. Hopefully, it will get better.

Teeth are not for biting

2010-02-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

I have two wonderful two year old boys. Each has their own strengths. We've recently discovered that one of Monkey's strength lies in his jaws. For the last week, he has bitten Moose at least once a night after being put to bed, as well as biting another little guy in nursery on Sunday. I worry if that behavior continues, my Relief Society attendance will return to pre-nursery levels. One bite on Moose's arm drew blood and the bruise still remains.

"No bite" and being sepearted from play during the day hasn't seemed to help, exept when he's caught during the lunge. I wasn't sure what to do when the biting occurred with the door closed and the lights out. Until my wonderful sister, who has three boys of her own, recommended the book Teeth Are Not for Biting by Elizabeth Verdick. After I got off the phone with her, I immediately got online and reserved a copy at my local library. The next night, after Monkey bit Moose yet again, I told him sternly, "Teeth are not for biting, teeth are for eating apples and crackers." This, he seemed to understand.

I picked up the book at the library this afternoon and the boys love it. I think I've read it 8 times this evening. The words, "Teeth are not for biting. Ouch! Biting hurts." seem to resonate with both boys. Monkey looks with concern at an illustration of a crying girl who was bitten. Though, Moose yells "No!" and smacks the image of the boy who did the biting. (I think we'll have to work on hitting next.) The illustrations by Marieka Heinlen are bright and cute.

Hopefully, it will help in our home. We also picked up Tails Are Not for Pulling by the same author. I think our family dog will appreciate it.

Barn Swallow Babies

2009-07-09T20:39:00.004-06:00

This spring, we have had the exciting experience of watching a pair of barn swallows build a mud nest on our front patio.
I wondered when we could expect chicks, and just last week, I saw one peeping it's head out of the nest.

I've been careful to leave them alone, though I've been very curious how many little chicks we had. I feared getting attacked by mom and dad, so I mostly stayed clear. Just yesterday, we saw three little heads peeking out the top.

Unfortunately, today when B came home, he found one sitting in the flower bed. It was still there when I brought the boys home after work. Mom and dad seem to be even more protective of this little chick then they were of the nest and eggs. Its siblings still appear to be safely in the nest, so I don't know if this little guy tried to fly, but couldn't. Or did it get pushed out of the nest by it's mates.

I'm trying to leave it alone, though I really want to put it back in it's nest. It seems a little frightened, and it really upsets the folks when I go out the front door. I was able to snap some pictures though.

Any thoughts on what I should do with the little guy?

Spinach Salad with Strawberries

2009-07-08T12:07:00.007-06:00

I bought a flat of strawberries at Costco -- which I really hate to do, because I never finish them all before they go bad. After making a small batch of chocolate covered strawberries (hey, it's still fruit!), I had plenty left over.

I made a delicious spinach and strawberry salad to go with dinner last night. I topped it with the following dressing:

1/2 cup Olive Oil
1/4 cup Red Raspberry Vinegar
1/3 cup Sugar
1 TBSP Poppy Seeds
Dash of paprika

Place all ingredients into a dressing shaker, and shake until blended. The dressing is pretty sweet, so modify the amount of sugar to taste. The salad was just tossed baby spinach and sliced strawberries -- everyone loved it.

I also read up on Tray Freezing at a new favorite blog, Make and Takes. I'm definetly going to do that with rest of the strawberries (if any outlast the dressing). It's so much easier than freezer jam, it takes practically no time, and I'll actually do it.

Operation Beautiful

2009-07-02T08:38:00.006-06:00

I often find myself talking negatively about myself. It's not actually very much fun, and often throws oneself into a huge pity party. Last time I hosted a pity party, I served myself a whole pan of brownies. Further self-loathing shortly followed.

During a Relief Society lessons, I was told that it takes like 7 seconds for a thought to become a feeling. I'm pretty sure it's not gospel, but I'll take it for what it is. The idea is that when we have negative thoughts about ourselves, we have seven seconds to turn them around, before we start to feel badly about them. Practicing this will keep us from throwing frequent pity parties.

I used to write in dry erase markers things like, "You are beautiful.", "You are worth it." and "You deserve the best." on my mirrors. Then I got married, and thought that B would think that was silly. But it's amazing to me how powerful simple messages like that can be. It's hard to look at yourself and analyze the dimples and creases on your belly when you are staring at the words "You are beautiful."

I found the Operation Beautiful website recently, check it out.

And remember...

Sweet Pickin

2009-06-27T18:00:00.005-06:00

B and I took the boys to Emmet for some cherry picking. We missed the festival last weekend, but heard the cherries were still on for another couple of weeks. J wasn't feeling well, as he had been running a bit of a fever last night, but E thought it was great fun. He was very proud to pull the bucket around the orchard, even though it was almost as big as he is.

I hope to find a cherry pitter, and freeze some of our little bounty. A co-worker mentioned that her family enjoys frozen cherries -- popped like candy, or in a smoothie. I hope to give that a try.

I think they would go great on a spinach salad, or something. I always love fruit on a green salad, but have a hard time knowing what kind of dressing to use when I make my own. Please share your suggestions or recipes for adding fruit to green salad.

Simplify

2009-06-16T13:17:00.003-06:00

I've decided to simplify my life. This isn't a small change, it is actually a really big change. I'm taking it one step at a time though. I want to live more simply. I want my sons to live more simply. I want our family to be more focused on, well, family.

I've started with decluttering our home. I only want to surround myself with things that I love and will be loved by and bless my family. I don't want to be controlled by the clutter in my home.

I'm also decluttering my online life. All of my blogs have been neglected lately, and since I don't actually have any readers, I don't feel to badly about it. I will be retiring Du Willie Design, or at least putting it on an extended sabbatical. Many Small Changes will be my blog. I'll continue to post about my weight-loss journey. But I'll also post about my life, my family, my hobbies, and what ever else I find interesting.

Success

2009-04-23T15:54:00.002-06:00

My original goal was to be able to run in the Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure, which happens on May 9th here in Boise. But I won't be able to. I just didn't get the training in that I wanted. Part of it was bad weather and bad knees. Alot of it was laziness ane excuses. So my plan was, I just won't do it. I'll forget the Race for the Cure this year, and maybe next year I'll run it. Then it hit me. How could I be so stupid. Just because I won't be able to run the whole 5k doesn't mean that I shouldn't at least try to run some of it, or even walk all of it for that matter. Giving up compleletly would mean failure, but participating will be success. So, yesterday, I went to the website and registered. I will be participating (probably walking) in the Race for the Cure this year. I'm actually excited about it.

I'm doing it on my own. Other 5K walks, I've had buddies or friends that I've walked with. This year, I want to set me own pace. Run some if I can, don't if I can't. I think it will be fun. I'm really excited.

Failure

2009-03-11T21:01:00.004-06:00

I just gave up. I don't know why. One day, I just decided that I wasn't going to go for my walk. I think I was tired, or my knee hurt, or the boys were crying. I don't even remember. And it doesn't even matter. I gave up. I quit. Like I always do. Brett encouraged me, commanded me even, to keep it up. And I ignored him. Maybe I even resented him a bit.

I wish I knew why I continue to quit. It seems sometimes like it's the only thing I'm good at.

On my walks, I had been listening to Jillian Michael's pod casts, and she talks about set backs. Heck, everyone talks about set backs. Like everyone, Jillian says they are going to happen. And everyone says that when they happen, you need to accept it and move on. You aren't a failure if you have a set back, as long as you acknowledge it and you move on. You move forward again. They say you should move on the next day, or even the next meal or workout.

It always seems to take me a little longer, okay, a lot longer. But now, I'm moving on. I've accepted that I've made mistakes, that I'll never reach my goals if I don't continue to move forward. And I'm moving forward today. Starting now.

Vegetables, Again

2009-02-12T08:59:00.003-07:00

I did a very poor job working more vegetables into my diet. I think I'll give it a try for another week.

I had been doing a great job of writing down everything that I ate. I was writing everything in my 'virtual' notebook on Google Docs. Then I found a website -- The Fat Secret -- where I started to record what I ate. I really like the website, but I was having a really hard time recording things like "a bite of Frosty" or "a drink of my husband's soda". Again, the perfectionist in me wanted to do it perfectly, but couldn't, so I stopped. I've taken a few days break from recording what I eat, but I'm going to pick that up again, just using the virtual notebook again. I don't count calories this way, but I'm trying to work more on why I'm eating than how much I'm eating.

Yuck! Well, maybe not.

2009-02-08T20:41:00.003-07:00

We ate dinner at my in-laws tonight. My mother-in-law served asparagus, as she frequently does. For the first time, I cut some up for the boys. I thought, "Just because I don't like the green stuff, doesn't mean that they shouldn't be able to try it." And they loved it -- just like they love green beans and broccoli and peas.

Then, I thought that I had said that I would never make them eat anything that I wouldn't put in my mouth. In the spirit of that and eating more vegetables, I tried the asparagus. And I liked it. It's not that I had never eaten it before, I just hadn't tried it since middle school. I remember something much mushier -- like the canned spinach my mom made me eat once.

I'm actually kind of excited about it. I now have another vegetable to add to my diet arsenal.

Eat Your Veggies!

2009-02-04T20:51:00.005-07:00

I added water, and I'm still doing pretty good with that.

I added exercise, and I've done really well with that -- I've only missed one day completely in the last few weeks and I felt so guilty about it, I'm sure it won't happen again.

I added fruit, and as long as I have it in the house, I eat it. My husband went on a banana kick, and we ran out of fruit before I made it back to the store.

I started recording what I eat, and that's gone okay. Nobody is looking at it but me, so I don't feel like I have much accountability.

My next change is going to be adding veggies. Like fruit, just one serving. I think this one is going to be hard for me. I don't really know many veggies to eat. I can't convince my husband that corn isn't a vegetable, and he is in charge of dinner right now. Carrots and broccoli just get boring. If you have some good ideas about how I can add more veggies to my diet, please share them. Otherwise, my fingers will be stained with the orange of baby carrots.

Breakfast Haiku

2009-02-04T15:33:00.002-07:00

I ate Peanut Butter M&Ms for breakfast.

No oatmeal for me
Cafeteria was closed
Vending Machine Woe

New Shoes

2009-01-31T23:14:00.005-07:00

I love new shoes. I love the smell of new shoes. I love the feel of new shoes. I love shopping for new shoes. Shoes do not judge you. They do not make you look fat. It is not embarrassing if you have to go up a size. You don't have to get naked in a mall to try them on.

I just got a pair of new shoes. I bought myself a pair of Adidas Supernova Sequence.
I went for my first walk with them on Friday night. It was great. My shins hurt much less, and didn't hurt right away.

If you want to take up running I recommend the first thing that you do is get a new pair of shoes. Do not do what I did. Do not wait to buy new shoes until you are sure running is something you want to do. Buy new shoes first. It is worth it. Otherwise, you might just want to quit before you even get started.

I also recommend that you buy your new running shoes at a specialty store. A store with a knowledgeable staff can help you find the right shoes for your feet and gait. In the Treasure Valley, I recommend The Athlete's Foot. The experience sure was better than the last time I bought 'running' shoes at Fred Meyers.

Exercise Calendar

2009-01-28T20:11:00.004-07:00

For now, I have decided to keep track of my workouts using Google Calendar. It's not fancy, but it will work for now. The good part, I can share it with you. If you have a better suggestion, please let me know.

Can a Couch Potato run a 5K?

2009-01-28T14:55:00.005-07:00

I've been wanting to run, actually run, a 5K race. Except when I was pregnant in 2007, I've participated in the Idaho Women's Fitness Celebration for the last several years, but I've always walked. I've been thinking about training using the Couch to 5K program. I even downloaded several pod casts. But I've been to afraid to start. I can't run. I've never been able to run. It hurts. It hurts my legs. It hurts my feet. It hurts my lungs.

Since I've been walking most days for 30 minutes, on Monday, I finally decided to give it a try. Why not, I asked myself? If I can't finish it, I'll just walk the rest of my laps around the neighborhood.

I loaded Robert Ullrey's Week 1 Podcast onto my ipod, tied my shoes and set out.

Five minutes of brisk walking -- easy peasy.
60 seconds of jogging -- not so bad -- I'd done this a little before.
90 seconds of walking -- my shins hurt a little, but I keep going.
60 seconds of jogging -- I can do this.
90 seconds of walking -- walk walk walk
60 seconds of jogging -- just finish this segment, you can do it!
90 seconds of walking -- Yay Me.
60 seconds of jogging? -- I don't think so.

I completed 3 of the intervals before I decided not to push it to much. Hey, I want to be able to improve, right?

I felt good. I had run some. I rock! Until my leg cramped. It wasn't a cramp I had experienced before. Right at the bottom of my leg, across the front of my lower shin and around the back. It was weird. I couldn't move my foot. So I hobbled home. I didn't get my 30 minutes in, but I did some good stretching, and I felt much better.

Last night, instead of walking (or running) I did my new "Biggest Looser" Boot Camp Video. It was fun, lots of squats.

My new plan is to do the C25K program Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and do the Biggest Looser Video on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'll leave Saturdays and Sundays open to try something different, go hiking as a family, or whatever.

Discouraged

2009-01-26T19:45:00.003-07:00

I woke up Sunday morning, used the toilet, and stepped on the bathroom scale. I weighed 207 lbs. I know that I didn't expect big changes. I haven't changed my eating habits enough to notice a big loss on the scale, but I certainly didn't expect to see a 4 pound gain. It made me want to cry. So, I ate a bowl of ice cream for breakfast. I know that is not an appropriate reaction. I know it is a really inappropriate action. Then I beat myself up about it all day, and felt terrible. So, I had a bowl of ice cream for dinner. Then I beat myself up about that, and I didn't want to go for my walk. My husband was trying to encourage me, and finally I did cry. I told him how discouraged I felt. I wondered why I should even bother going for my walk. He said he was sorry and he encouraged me to keep at it and he told me how proud he was of me.

So, I put on my shoes and my heart rate monitor. I stretched a bit, and I set out. I jogged twice and had my best time yet -- under 30 minutes. I felt encouraged. I felt good. I felt like I can do this. I even did some push-ups when I got home.

To be successful I'll need to tackle my emotional eating. I don't really know how to go about it and it seems like such a tall mountain to climb. For starters, I will work this week on keeping a food journal. I'll write down everything I put in my mouth, and I'll try to write down why I'm putting it in my mouth.

Distractions

2009-01-23T15:32:00.009-07:00

Several times in the last year, I thought for sure my son J had an ear infection; he cranky or running a fever or pulling at his ears. I was always wrong. I had lots of ear infections. My sister's kids all have had lots of ear infections. Her youngest had 3 or 4 before he turned one. Finally, at J's 12 month well-child visit, he was diagnosed with an ear infection. I didn't know kids could go so long and never have an ear infection.

He was prescribed amoxicillin. A wonderful drug for sure, but I knew it was also a common culprit for causing allergic reactions. I read the print out from the pharmacy. I thought I knew what to watch for.

Nine days after his first dose J woke up with small pimple like bumps on his belly and face. He was also running a fever. I thought for sure that he had gotten the chicken pox from the vaccine he had received at his well-child visit.

An allergy to amoxicillin was the last thing on my mind. I had watched for a rash for the first few days. He got a bit of a diaper rash, but some yogurt and Ron's Diaper Rash Cream cleared it right up.

The next day, I gave J his final dose of the antibiotics. I got an appointment with his pediatrician for that afternoon. His rash was getting worse, and I didn't think it was chicken pox anymore, but I didn't know what it was.

One look at him, and the doctor said, "No, that's not chicken pox. He's not taking any medications, is he?" I answered, "Only the amoxicillin you prescribed him 10 days ago." "That would do it," she replied. She suggested some benadryl and said the rash would last several days.

Two days later, it was still spreading, so I took him back to the doctor. His pediatrician wasn't in the office, so we saw one of her partners. She was nice and all, but I really love our doctor. Anyways, J got a dose of long acting steroids, and his rash looks much better -- it is not so bumpy, and much lighter in color -- though it is still spreading.
Day 2

Day 3

Day 5

He has been very cranky. He hasn't been sleeping well, and has just wanted me to hold him. It has made it very difficult for me to get out in the evening for my walks. Though I have kept my promise to exercise everyday. Two days I didn't get my full thirty minutes in, but I made the best effort I could on those days.

My husband has been very wonderful. He has done a great job supporting me. He holds crying babies while I go out for my walks. More importantly, he encourages me.

Healthy Habits. Healthy Families.

2009-01-23T12:55:00.003-07:00

This morning, I picked up a "Healthy Habits Healthy Families" calendar at daycare. It is a bright fun calendar with tips for becoming healtier as a family. Each month includes a new healthy recipe. It is published by the Idaho Department of Health and Welfare. In Idaho, you can get your copy by contacting the Idaho Care Line at 2-1-1.

Change: Add a serving of fruit

2009-01-21T22:20:00.005-07:00

I was hoping my 'weeks' would go Saturday-Friday, or Monday-Sunday, but it doesn't seem to be working great that way. I am continuing with one change before moving on to the next. My problem this week is that I'm having a really hard time deciding which change to make next.

We are almost out of Pepsi in the fridge, so it seems like a perfect time to give that one up -- but I'm not sure I'm ready to give it up completely. I've tried that in the past, and it seems to me that it is too big of a change for one week.

I've decided instead to add a serving of fruit. That is, I'll make sure to get at least one each day. Most days, I'll admit, I don't eat any.

I love it!

2009-01-21T22:10:00.003-07:00

I got my Forerunner 305 today. I like that I have a more acurate time for my walk than just using the clock on my ipod. Here's the data from my walk. I'll use this as my baseline.

Total Laps: 3
Total Time: 0:30:12
Total Distance: 1.68 miles
Total Calories: 189
Average Pace: 18:02/mile
Average Heartrate: 139

My shins really hurt tonight. I've got to figure out how to make it better. It was very discouraging that they started to hurt so early during my walk. I want to be able to enjoy it. I expect it to hurt when I push myself, but not like this.

Happy Birthday to me

2009-01-21T10:44:00.006-07:00

My birthday was on Saturday, and I still walked. I'm awfully proud of myself, especially because I was really bummed. I had been really excited because I was going to get a Garmin Forerunner 305 for my birthday.

I had been wanting a heart rate monitor, but now the cheap one wouldn't cut it -- this one has got GPS. It was just what I never knew that I always wanted -- until I saw them last week on sale at Costco.

I like to look at numbers. I want to see my heart rate go up, and hopefully see my resting heart rate go down. It's one of those metrics I was talking about.

But I digress -- when we went back to Costco, they didn't have any left. I was grumpy, and I pouted, and I acted like a martyr, but we went home and ordered one online. It should be here any day now. Anyways, I was bummed not to have it on my birthday, but I walked anyways.

I think I feel good

2009-01-19T23:09:00.002-07:00

My week of exercise is over. I did it. I exercised for 30 minutes every day for a week. I feel better. I know it's only been a week, but I do. Each day I walked, it got a little easier. Yesterday, my shins didn't start to hurt until almost one full lap of the neighborhood. I even ran some -- not much, but some. It really got my heart racing, but it felt good -- it hurt, but it felt good. I only got 15 minutes in tonight, because I've got sick babies, but I'll pick it back up tomorrow. Not because I want to, but because I need to. I think when I do it because I want to, that will be real progress.

Motivation

2009-01-16T20:13:00.003-07:00

I don't have any. Last night I had a really hard time finding the motivation to get in my 30 minutes of exercise. My husband went to play church ball last night just after the boys went to bed, and I don't like any of the videos I had. When Brett got home, I put my shoes on and went for a walk. It wasn't something that I wanted to do, but it was something that I had promised myself I would do. It was cold, but it wasn't as hard as it was on Monday. I walked a full three laps around the neighborhood in 32 minutes.

Metrics

2009-01-14T11:02:00.003-07:00

As a software engineer at least part of my day is focused on metrics. Management always seem to be trying to measure progress and sucess. How many lines of code were written? How many bugs were found? How many bugs were fixed? How many support calls did we get? How does that compare to last week, last month, last release?

Now, I'm faced with a simliar problem. How do I measure success? I've said that I don't expect to see big changes, especially right away. But looking back in a week or month or year, how will I know that I've made any progress. The obvious answer is weight. But I really don't want to make this all about weight, more about becoming more healthy and more fit. I'm going to come up with some sort of metrics, data that I can report. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

On the first of each month I'll report my progress, but for now, I'll just report that this morning I weighed 203 pounds. That's the heaviest I've ever weighed, and I hope it's the heaviest I'll ever weigh.

And of course, I'll report on my weekly changes.

Slim In 6 (years mabybe)

2009-01-14T10:25:00.007-07:00

Several years ago I bought the "Slim in 6" work out series by Beach Body. It promises a beach ready body in just 6 weeks. Sometimes, I wish that merely making the purchase was enough to see the physical transformation.

The dvd came with three work outs, "Start It Up", "Ramp It Up", and then "Burn It Up". The package included a nice big chart to track your progress. It indicates that you should use the "Start It Up" video for the first three work outs before moving on to the more intense "Ramp It Up" work out. After a couple of weeks you finish off the series with "Burn It Up".

My problem was that I could never make it past the "Start It Up" phase. Several times, I would start my 'six weeks' all gung-ho. I did the "Start It Up" work out as directed by the chart. Then, as directed, I would move onto the "Ramp It Up" workout. I was always a little leery about the warning something like, "It is recommended that you master the Start It Up work out before moving on to the Ramp It Up workout."

I pondered at the definition of "master". Does master mean that I don't pass out before the end of the work out? Does it mean that I don't fall over when I do the squats? Does it mean that I should follow the instructions on the chart, and only do it three times?"

"The chart says three times," I would tell myself. And then I died. Well, not literally of course, but I wanted too, after trying the "Ramp It Up" workout. I never have made it all the way through that workout. It was very discouraging. So I would give up.

It has never made much sense to my why I do such things. Why didn't I just continue on with the "Start It Up" workout for another week or two. I would tell myself, "But the chart says to move on, If I keep doing the 'weenie' video, I'll never make it to "Ramp It Up" before my six weeks is up!"

I'm an engineer for crying out loud, you would think that I could see through my own illogical rantings. I should have been telling myself, "If you quit, you'll never make it through the 'weenie' video, ever!" That's the truth!

Yesterday, I chose to do the "Start It Up" video for my 30 minutes of exercise. I did pretty good, I didn't do all the squats or push-ups, but I completed the video. It felt good. It kinda made me want to jump back on the "Slim in 6" wagon. I was ready to pull out the old chart again. But I didn't. I'm taking it slow. Maybe I'll do the video again tonight, but probably not. I've got others in my collection. If the fog outside clears, I might just go for another walk.

Slim in 6
What I like
On screen clock shows you how much time is left in your work out. I like to watch it and say, "I can do this for another 10 minutes" or "Yay! I'm half way through!"
What I don't like
There isn't really a warm up and cool down/stretching session as part of the work out videos. There is a separate "Slim & Limber" work out which is 15 minutes of stretching. That just seems like extra effort. I want it all at once, included in the work out. It's a weird mental thing.

Thirty minutes is a long time

2009-01-12T21:20:00.002-07:00

That was harder than I thought. I didn't manage to get out to walk today until after the boys went to bed. That meant that I had to do my 30 minutes in one big chunk. I was kinda disappointed when after just a few minutes my shins started to hurt, but I pressed on. I was even more disappointed when I was standing in front of my driveway after my first lap around the neighborhood, and I realized that it only took 10 minutes to complete the lap. Standing in front of my driveway for a second time, I thought about stopping and going inside. I was cold and I only had 8 more minutes to walk.I was walking slower now than when I had first started. I didn't think I would make it another lap, so I did a did a half of a lap. I conveniently live in a subdivision with a figure 8 layout. I walked into my driveway with 2 minutes left. I did a little bit of stretching, and I was done. I completed my first 30 minutes of exercise! Now, I just have to go drink my water.

Change: 30 minutes of exercise every day

2009-01-11T21:12:00.005-07:00

Drinking more water has gone pretty good. Some days I had to drink it just before going to bed. Most days though I was able to drink the 16 ounces (or more) during the day.

The next 7 days, I will excersize for at least 30 minutes everyday. Just a half hour every day. I'm going to make it really easy on myself and start with walking. I can even break it down into three 10 minutes chunks if I can't get away for 30 minutes at one time.

Remembering...

2009-01-06T20:06:00.002-07:00

I can't believe it is already the 6th of January. I'm back at work after a wonderful break. The holiday wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped, but we met my parents in Seattle after Christmas and had a whirl wind trip.

We visited my grandmother, who is in a nursing home. It was good to take my boys to see her, though they won't remember the visit, and neither will she. We were able to get some 4 generation pictures taken - which we already have with all the other living great grandparents.

My grandmother wears a pendant around her neck that contains a photo of my cousin, my brother and myself, when we were young. She kept showing it to me, and talking about 'her little people' and how precious the necklace was to her. It was both heart-warming and heart-wrenching at the same time.

I was glad to know how much she cares for me and how special I am to her. It was also so sad to keep telling her, "that's me, that's me in that picture." As we were leaving, she said, "Don't forget about me."

I won't. She doesn't know that I think of her often. She doesn't remember the cards and phone calls. I hope that even if she doesn't remember me, she remembers that the little girl in the picture remembers her and loves her.

I love looking at the pictures of me with my great grandparents. Some passed away before I was old enough to remember and some I visited on my way to college. I hope that the pictures we took on our trip will help teach my children the importance of family.

I hope to be around to see my great-grandchildren some day.

Change: drink 16 oz of water a day

2009-01-03T21:46:00.000-07:00

I thought I would be pretty specific about my changes, especially this first one. I want something I can measure, so that I can know I'm being successful. I know that 16 ounces of water isn't a lot. I know that in the past I've consumed almost a gallon of water a day. I've recently realized that some days, all the water I consume is when I'm brushing my teeth. That's not good! If I drink more, great! It's a start. And I'm starting today! Even though it's 10 pm and it means that I'll probably be up all night using the bathroom, I will drink 16 ounces of water before I go to bed.

Small Changes

2009-01-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

My twins first birthday is just around the corner, and my 31st birthday follows shortly. I was disgusted with myself when I realized that I weigh more today than I did the day they were born.

I was probably one of very few women that was disappointed when I wieghed myself the day my boys turned 6 months old, and I was back at my pre-pregnancy wieght. This is because 2 weeks after they were born, I was 20 pounds lighter than I was when I concieved. The only time in my life when I had difficulty gaining weight, I was pregnant. I think that is part of my problem. When I was pregnant I got used to eating everything, trying to put on extra pounds. I ended up only gaining 12 pounds, but my boys were healthy. After they were born, I spent most of my time nursing them, and trying to eat enough to support all of us. But I also spent a lot of time in my arm chair, always with at least one boy attached to my breast.

Not that I'm blaming the a year of bad habits on my weight explosion. It's a life time of bad habits that is responsible. I just spent a year with an excuse. And now I don't have an excuse. It's time to get control. It's time to eleminate the bad habits, it's time to not only loose wieght, but to be healthy. My boys are eating table food, but I don't want them to eat what I'm eating. Packaged dinners and frozen pizzas are exactly healthy meals. I want to teach them to be healthier than I am.

I've tried diets before. I've done weight watchers and dabbled with Atkins, but it all seems a little bit overwhelming for me. I get a good start, but I always seem to loose steam. I think part of it is a fear of failure, and I think part of it is this preverse perfectionist in me. If I can't do a diet perfectly, if I cheat a little here or there, I can't do it at all. I'll probably talk more about being a perverse prefectionist more later, as it applies to much of my life.

So, this time I've decided not to jump right in. I'm going to take small steps and make many small changes over time. But I'm going to start with one small change. I don't expect to see big changes in me, but just small ones. I plan on making one small change a week. Part of me thinks that I focus on one change until I've developed a new good habit, and it takes 21 days to develop a habit. Part of me thinks the week is the way to go, heck, I can do anything for a week.

You can see that I don't really have a plan, but I hope you'll follow me on my journey. I'll record my goals and my progress. I'll tell you more about me and my health issues, and reasons I want to change. Feel free to offer support or insight. This is really new for me and scary. I'm a very private person, especially when it comes to wieght loss and health issues. So, be kind.

Contact

2008-01-01T15:52:00.000-07:00