Sad September

Normally, I love the fall. I love the colors. I love the crisp cool air. I love making hot soups for dinner. I love wearing sweaters and my knee high boots. I love school supplies.


This year, I'm dreading fall. I want an endless summer. I dream of infinite days watching my boys play in the wading pool in the back yard, running naked through the grass with golden brown skin. Unnumbered days, rocking my baby girl on the porch swing. Countless trips to the library on Friday mornings. But alas, it all must come to an end.

For come the first of Fall, my maternity leave is over. I must return to the "real world". The world in which I don't get to be just a mom. I won't get to bake bread to go with dinner, or prepare meals that take longer than 30 minutes. No more late mornings cuddling with my kids.

I have about 2 1/2 weeks before I must return to work. I'm trying to enjoy every minute of it, but I find myself spending too much time dreading what is to come. So this is it. I'm crying about it here for a minute. I'm complaining, and I'm moping. I'd really like to spend the next two weeks cuddling with my kids and rocking my baby while she sleeps -- breathing in every moment. Savoring every sweet moment, enjoying the now.

Glucose Screening Forfeit

I think that when you take your 1 hour glucose screening test on Thursday and the nurse tells you, "I'll have the results on Monday -- I'll only call you if there is a problem.  No news is good news." if she calls you on Tuesday at 4:45 pm, they should forfeit, and you should get an automatic pass.

Being a Working Mom

A blog I read, Chocolate on My Cranium, is celebrating the 10th anniversary of "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". As part of that celebration, she has asked us to write about our families, using the proclamation as a guide.

The proclamation states: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

This is the part that means the most to me and is the part I struggle with every day. You see, I've been blessed with a wonderful career. I have got a great job, that pays handsomely, and has pretty good benefits. I've also been blessed with a wonderful husband -- it just happens that he has little education and less earning power than myself.

The deepest desire of my heart is to stay at home and raise my children. I want my primary responsibility to be nurturing my children. And I know it pains my husband to not be able to provide for our family and make all my dreams come true.

I struggle a lot because I know the Lord wants me to stay at home and raise my children. I often don't feel like I have enough faith because I can't just up and quit my job and depend on the Lord to take care of us. But I also know that the Lord expects us to be self reliant.

President Gordon B. Hinkley cautioned women, at several times, using several different words to be very careful about working outside the home. He said, "I hope that if you are employed full-time you are doing it to ensure that basic needs are met and not simply to indulge a taste for an elaborate home, fancy cars, and other luxuries."

My husband and I have spent a lot of time and energy this year refocusing our priorities. We've set financial goals. We've paid off all of our non-mortgage debt and started saving an emergency fund. We've analyzed our budget and decided to try and live more simply. We are trying to curtail our spending, and trying to learn to live on less money. We can't currently survive on my husbands salary, but we are trying to learn how. We are setting aside the extra money we have now while I am working so that we can ensure our financial security should the opportunity for me to stay home arise.

And in the mean time, I try to be the best mother that I can be. That means that I've given up some of my ideals about the perfect house and the perfect meal plan. I'm learning to accept that dirty dishes in the sink are okay, and breakfast cereal for dinner every now and again is fine. It means that I have more time for hugs and kisses after work and time for one more story before tucking my boys into bed.

I have to work really hard to not be to tired and too stressed to be loving at the end of the day. Everyone is tired and hungry when we get home, and we are all at our worst. It's been even harder since my husband has been working afternoon and evenings. It's just me and the boys and there is a lot of yelling and crying on every one's part.

I'm making an effort to yell less and love more. When Moose is yelling at Monkey, and Monkey is crying and hitting Moose, I try to remember that yelling isn't going to help anything. Our children deserve to be taught with love and respect.

These are some of the things I do to nurture my children when I am at home with them:

1. Snuggle a little bit every morning, no matter how late we slept.


2. Pray everyday for guidance in the things I need to teach them.
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3. Pray with them every night.


4. Pray for patience and a tempered spirit.

I pray a lot. Motherhood has helped me to realize how much help I need. I can't do it on my own. I need my husbands strength and support, and more importantly, I'm learning to rely on my Heavenly Father. Through motherhood, I'm becoming closer to my Heavenly Father. I know that will make me a better wife and mother and person.

Are you a working mom? What are some of the things you struggle with? How do you deal with your struggles?

Peony Patience

Five years ago, the summer before my husband and I got married, I purchased a peony. I've always loved the large double blooms and their sweet scent. I was so excited. I planted it in a spot where the large flowers would peak their heads up, and be visible in my living room window. I knew peonies were a little fickle, and I didn't expect it to bloom that year, or maybe even the next, but I hoped.

The following spring, I was giddy with excitement when I saw the first tenders push up from the ground. I watched them grow. More leaves pushed up, and then a flower bud. It was little, like a pea, but it grew bigger. I couldn't stand the wait, and thought for sure my little bud would turn into a beautiful flower. Then, my marble sized bud turned black and died. I think, at the time, a little part of me died with it. It provided great greenery through out the summer, but no flowers.

The next spring, again, I was very excited again, as the tenders pushed their way into the warm spring sunshine. Even more green leaves appeared. My peony's root ball was growing for sure. This year, several small pea size flower buds appeared. I walked through the neighborhood, and saw other peoples' peonies blooming. I admit, I was jealous. This time I was certain, one of my buds would turn into a flower. And just as sure as I was that one would bloom, they all turned black and died.

I began to compare my peony to all those that I would see. Why won't my peony bloom? I would ask. Why can't my peony be pretty like those ones? I began to doubt my peony. Maybe I planted it to deep? Maybe it isn't getting enough sunshine. Maybe I wasn't nurturing it appropriately. That fall, I moved my peony to another part of the garden. I added bone meal to the whole, and hoped it would like it's new home.

Last spring, as the tenders emerged I started to get excited again. I worried though that it wouldn't like its move, and it wouldn't bloom. Buds began to appear. And the buds grew. First to the size of marble, and then a golf ball. And then it happened. A beautiful, delicate flower appeared. And then too quickly, the blooms faded. I enjoyed it's beauty while it lasted.

As I sit and look at my flower filled bush, I about think about patience. I think about how things never happen in my time. I can't compare myself or my life to others. The Lord has a plan for me, and if I'm patient, if I wait with faith, I know the Lord will bless me in ways I can't imagine. I must put myself in the right spot and nourish my spirit appropriately and I will be blessed. I'm thankful everyday for the blessing I receive. I have to remember the Lord knows my desires. If they are righteous and part of the Lords plans, if I am patient, things will happen in His time.