Saturday, January 3, 2009

Small Changes

My twins first birthday is just around the corner, and my 31st birthday follows shortly. I was disgusted with myself when I realized that I weigh more today than I did the day they were born.

I was probably one of very few women that was disappointed when I wieghed myself the day my boys turned 6 months old, and I was back at my pre-pregnancy wieght. This is because 2 weeks after they were born, I was 20 pounds lighter than I was when I concieved. The only time in my life when I had difficulty gaining weight, I was pregnant. I think that is part of my problem. When I was pregnant I got used to eating everything, trying to put on extra pounds. I ended up only gaining 12 pounds, but my boys were healthy. After they were born, I spent most of my time nursing them, and trying to eat enough to support all of us. But I also spent a lot of time in my arm chair, always with at least one boy attached to my breast.

Not that I'm blaming the a year of bad habits on my weight explosion. It's a life time of bad habits that is responsible. I just spent a year with an excuse. And now I don't have an excuse. It's time to get control. It's time to eleminate the bad habits, it's time to not only loose wieght, but to be healthy. My boys are eating table food, but I don't want them to eat what I'm eating. Packaged dinners and frozen pizzas are exactly healthy meals. I want to teach them to be healthier than I am.

I've tried diets before. I've done weight watchers and dabbled with Atkins, but it all seems a little bit overwhelming for me. I get a good start, but I always seem to loose steam. I think part of it is a fear of failure, and I think part of it is this preverse perfectionist in me. If I can't do a diet perfectly, if I cheat a little here or there, I can't do it at all. I'll probably talk more about being a perverse prefectionist more later, as it applies to much of my life.

So, this time I've decided not to jump right in. I'm going to take small steps and make many small changes over time. But I'm going to start with one small change. I don't expect to see big changes in me, but just small ones. I plan on making one small change a week. Part of me thinks that I focus on one change until I've developed a new good habit, and it takes 21 days to develop a habit. Part of me thinks the week is the way to go, heck, I can do anything for a week.

You can see that I don't really have a plan, but I hope you'll follow me on my journey. I'll record my goals and my progress. I'll tell you more about me and my health issues, and reasons I want to change. Feel free to offer support or insight. This is really new for me and scary. I'm a very private person, especially when it comes to wieght loss and health issues. So, be kind.

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